btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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