PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
