8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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