if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
