I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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