What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
