Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
