Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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