Apparently you make a good broom.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
