That's when you crack a 10am beer
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
