This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
3 2 1 whiskey
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
