I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
