I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
