he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
