YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize