I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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