would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
