He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
