Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
