I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize