Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
