shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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