obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
