I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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