New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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