just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
this hospital has no fireball
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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