I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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