We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
