i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
