I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
