Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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