he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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