She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize