Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
