I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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