we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
