i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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