my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
