why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
