I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
