You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
