So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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