She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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