how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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