Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
