using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
