Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My ATM looks so different sober.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
