I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
