Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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