now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
