May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
