Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
