so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
