He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I believe in your delicious
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
