what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
