Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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