What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
