it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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