He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
