Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
