I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i will never coherently bang her
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
