Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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