Sry I called you an 8
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
